I Am

I am what I promised myself I would never become,

  A promise made once it had already begun

I am what happens when demons are told to behave,

  Hidden and hungry for the mischief I crave

I am what looks to you like perfectly sane,

  Desperate for a way to stop ignoring the pain

I am what amount of myself I allow you to see,

  Dissolving to become who you want me to be

I am what remains from the destruction of my being,

  Beaten and worn; stripped of all meaning

I am what causes the grasp of death to awaken,

  Offering myself but watching others get taken

I am, paradoxically, what I am not,

  I am nothing

     and so,

  I am what I am taught.

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One

Today, I choose to feel life.

To stand in the rays of sunlight,

And evaporate in its strength.

To step on the dew covered grass,

And be grasped by the soil beneath my weight.

To gaze at each creature roaming among me,

And be connected to each of their spirits.

To fill my lungs until they can contain no more,

And exhale with hopes of fueling new life.

To close my eyes,

extend my arms to the heights of the sky,

And absorb the magnitude of the universe.

My feet may be stuck in an unwanted place,

My mind meandering through the clouds,

My surroundings moving in too fast a pace,

But today,

No matter the perplexity,

The earth and I share no boundaries.

We are one.

I am one.

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Consciousness

They picked me up and threw me down,

I hit the ground without a sound.

And there I stayed, bitterly bound

Until my mind receded all obstruction

Alas, I witnessed a profound introduction

To a state that grabbed me, as if by seduction.

A state of questioning, nothing to conceal.

Maybe it's our fantasies that make life so real,

Or could life be the fantasy, and true pain surreal?

There are those who cling desperately to their sanity,

Could one stimulate such great electricity

For a damaged soul to achieve sublimity?

Imagine the depths of hell echo in absence,

As the devils walk among us in abundance.

Who are the few that bear a sinful conscience?

They had picked me up and thrown me down,

I became reborn, standing much taller now

And in tune to an enlightening sound.

So now I ask of you to expand your vision,

Beyond yourself, biases, even religion

For the earth plays music for those who listen.

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Disconnected

My body is here, my heart has gone
My mind is stable, but can't move on.
The wrong emotion arrives late,
A smile hides a painful hate.
So high up, yet so far under
When it rains it pours; my soundtrack is thunder.

A memory is lost much too quickly,
But a lie takes its place just as swiftly.
Attempting to gain love through false affection,
I leave in a state of empty disconnection.
Guilt buried inside waits for my vulnerability
To crack my broken soul and devour it wickedly.


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Open Minded

I am but a skeleton, 

A misprinted society element.

I lived to the hum of my own melody, 

A disapproved version of achieving ecstasy.

Those around me didn't like that very much,

Made me feel crazy, distant, and such.

Then, one day, I came to find,

I was one of few with such an open mind. 

Pressured with conformity, I remained organic,

Such a rebellion filled them with panic.

So here I lie, a pile of bones

They ripped me to shreds, no trace with their ghost.

No one realized, for they were confined,

Stressing to stay structured, to keep their design.

But in the near future, they all will see,

The one they cold-heartedly killed is with whom they now agree.

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Demons

There are demons inside of me.
They consume my soul,
Destroy my body.
I walk around
As though they do not exist,
Yet the truth remains
No matter how hard I resist.
The darkness germinates in my core,
The roots stretch through my veins,
Each day they grow more.
Through my eyes -
I see shadows,
While cries from Satan's slaves echoe.
Hunting for prey,
Hungry for anything.
I give them myself,
My hollow body means nothing.
As the pain builds inside me, I need a release
I fold myself to fit,
But can't bend to a perfect crease.
So I cut,
And I cut,
Again and again
Your body is a canvas,
But it's not ink in my pen.

 
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